ARE YOU HABITUATED TO ARGUING?

Arguing is almost like a disease. An argumentative person is addicted to having the last say and this not only makes him or her unpopular but also poses them as an unpleasant companion to have.

But why does one argue?

Arguments happen because conflicts exist and the toughest thing to handle in any relationship is these conflicts. While a good and a fair argument can clear the air and help you to feel closer to your love or to your family or colleagues, many arguments are just hurtful and destructive. Arguments that never go anywhere, that are repeated year after year, or that leave you feeling awful about yourself are the ones that damage your inner peace and your relationships.

Arguments could also stem from an inherent need to prove yourself. An inferiority complex could be a cause for such arguments where in a person almost always feels the need to win the argument. In such case, one needs to understand that by constantly arguing you are only announcing to the world that you feel inferior.

Getting past the arguments

Lack of communication causes small conflicts to become heated arguments where issues are not resolved because both parties are trying to make their points and are not even listening to what the other person has to say. When you are about to plunge into an argument, stop for a moment and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Are you overreacting because you are tired and stressed?
2. Is the anger gathered inside you for someone or something else?
3. Are you being defensive because you want to avoid having to say you're sorry?
4. When you raise an issue, are you sure this is the main thing that's bothering you or is it something else about the person that has irritated you?
5. Is it hormonal imbalance that is making you unusually irritable or sensitive?
6. Is your mood being affected by illness?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes than you know that you are not being fair to the other person by arguing. Stop right there. Go to your space and play some relaxing music, read a book or watch TV. Do whatever, the idea is to distract your mind and give it some time to recuperate from anger and stress.

Avoid hurtful arguments by following these few simple guidelines:

1. Be concerned with being kind more than being right
If you're kind to others and treat them well, you'll experience fewer arguments.

2. Develop the art of listening
Listen to what the other person has to say and don’t answer back mindlessly. This will kill half your urge to argue.

3. Learn to keep quiet
There will be many occasions when you'll want to respond to a comment someone has made, but if you do you know that it will be an invitation to an argument. Swallow your anger and urge to react and notice that no argument occurs.

4. Set standards for yourself
What kind of person do you really want to be? Do you want to be known as an argumentative idiot or would you rather be known as tolerant and understanding. In view of how useless arguing is, learn to hold yourself to a high standard and steer clear from arguing.

5. See the other’s perspective also
Try to understand the stance of the other party also. If possible, slip into their shoes for a while and then look at your arguments from their perspective… you might see some light.

6. Know Your Triggers around Arguing
Become aware of what comments and situations trigger your anger and argumentative behavior. Learn how you can avoid getting trapped by them in the future.

7. Leave when a conversation is getting too heated
Walking away may not be the best idea but it is better than letting an argument turn into an ugly fight. Just get up and leave. This will allow you some time to gather your thoughts and cool down. When your perspective is better you can continue the discussion from a more objective point of view.

Remember that no one ever wins a hurtful argument because it almost always leaves a bad taste behind. It has the capacity to severe ties, hurt emotions and create misunderstandings. So take a vow now and steer clear from this poison of hurtful arguments.