Reflections

Reflection
Do you sometimes pause and see where life is taking you, holding your index finger in its grip? Do you envisage the days yet to be? Do you see in the reflection, a mirror of your tomorrow while you walk through the haze of this concrete jungle? Maybe we do, maybe we don't.I know I continue to destroy and re-build my haven to survive in. I smile at passers by...just maybe, the person will be a friend tomorrow. What was that they said about being nice to people on our way up because you will run into them on your way down?..and yet, and yet, its not so easy to see through the deceit of so called well-wishers who blatantly stab you in the back; honeyed smiles on their lips, eyes cold as death...and I just know that because I defy my first instincts to stay away from the person, I will have to go through the fall of having given that kind of a relationship a chance. It never works out. I analyse myself over and over again and truth is, I have only myself to blame. A friend tells me that I am grossly misunderstood, that I have this insatiable desire to get the impossible...I suppose its true. I have one life to live, so much to give, so much more to learn...to what end? Its all about an inquisitiveness to live a life more full.So, as I walk on, I sift through the garbage my life has become, pick my treasures, walk along the rugged path, mix and match logic and reason, segregate the unrecognizable lies, live my life the way I wish, close my eyes, wish upon a shooting star some late starry night...I aim perhaps not to win but to be a winner just the same. There is a difference. I am my own competition. I couldn't survive or come so far otherwise. I just have to better myself or worsen. I am my own comparison. I am critical about myself. I circumvent circumstances, clear my way to moments of truth when I think. I have walked on, decades of rising up after falls, beyond the humdrum of insignificant things that others call relevant, beyond things pushed onto me by folks who have not mattered.Its my ego perhaps that speaks thus. I am my own person. I am what I am, I am prone to change and revert at my will because only I know what's in my mind. I hold on to a faith I have found in my Guru, a faith I have in the essence of friendship and those who believe in me...of being a friend and a part of someone's life, no matter where they are...of being as human as a human being can be...