Girls and Friendships

Tee Hee Hee.... Sorry could not help laughing after I read this forward. Socha, let me share this one with all my buddies. It is Crazy... Ha Ha Ha.... Here it goes...
** Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves. It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have. Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you: Just a friend Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Abhi, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??" Abhi: "Where are you going Shilpa??" Shilpa: "None of your business" and bangs the phone. (Useless fellow. Hmmph!). Good Friend You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you. Abhi calls: "Hi Shilpa" Shilpa: "Hi Abhi. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye" (Shilpa calls back after two days) Shilpa: "What do you want Abhi? Why did you call that day?". Abhi: "Generally". Shilpa: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye." Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets. Very good friend Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl. She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her. Shilpa: "You know Abhi, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl" . Abhi: "Who is Shekhar??" Shilpa : "My boyfriend." Abhi: Oh! ok. Best Friend You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you. And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can do poo-poo. Abhi Shopping. Abhi Movie. Abhi Coffee. Abhi, you pay. I am having fun. Abhi is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares. Shilpa: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends Abhi. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that." Abhi: What?? (Abhi drinks all night). Best of the Bestest Friends Ok now you are really special. You are dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything. Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl. You take her around. You make her project. You do her assignments. You are allowed to take her doggie around. You can hold hands on the beach. You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along). But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 time the salary you earn and has a flat in Poes Garden or Boat Club or Hiranandani area. Shilpa: "Hi Abhi. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Abhi, he is my bestest friend". Abhi: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Abhi's wrist). Abhi is now heart broken and wrist broken. Boyfriend Uh... No comments dude. You're already screwedNo offense meant Ladies. I do love all my Girl Friends but trust me, the piece above is as much a fact of life, as (may be) eve teasing or oogling is for women. Since it is majorly women who condemn men, thought let the ladies also know that we guys have to go through one helluva stuff ourselves, to keep thou happy!!All in the name of Love....

When i met her.....

She was the long awaited shower Into the barren desert of my life My heart tells me She is no mirage.She was a breeze Blowing through the valley of my mind She was the white snow That covered the summits of my ecstasies. Like the diamond buried deep in the earth The smile of hers resides deep in my mind Even the remorseless plough of time Shall leave no scar on this pearl of mine. The poise she is blessed with Veils the agonies past For the surging waves of the sea Leave no ripple on the sea bed. I see you, with lids apart I see her with lids closed For she resides in me In my thoughts and in my breath. Oyster bears a pearl when pained This heart of mine bears a dream when chained Chained by the bonds of love, to hold her close to my heart And feel the pulse of hers. Why this battle in this tender heart of mine to make her mine? For after the thunder comes the refreshing rain Together we shall groom seven children of ours For after the rain comes the rainbow The she of my life, I saw just now Disturbed very much was she at the sight of me. Went red when the eyes of us met As the lamb with its head on the chopping block.

Y so much hulabaloo over a stupid language-ENGLISH?

English
We take English for granted,but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that...There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;neither apple nor pine in pineapple...English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
One index, two indices?Is cheese the plural of choose?If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?Have noses that run and feet that smell?Park on driveways and drive on parkways?How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?When a house burns up, it burns down.You fill in a form by filling it out,and an alarm clock goes off by going on.When the stars are out, they are visible,but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it,but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

The Little Boy outside my office

As I came out of the building Main, I saw a little boy,with a mangled mane. His hands and clothes were all dirty, And it made my heart fill with pity. My hand went into the pocket , And came back with a dollar. His hand reached the upturned shirt collar, And he looked back in indignant surprise. Mister do you think am I a begger,he asked. Hmm. Err... Well... was what I said. It was merely to get you a toy, Was all I told the little boy. The boy said,I am a professional, I earn my living, by working . And not by begging alms, I steal watches off people's arms. Shocked and surprised I opened the cab gate, As it was getting late. I looked at my wrist for time, But the watch that was gone, was Mine!!!

I call this life!!

I call it life
A candle that flickers with the strength of luvA lamp that burns with the oil of faithA light that in the face of adversity striveWat will thou name itI call it life.A journey which has many paths and rowsWhere? One may land no one knowsA bag full of surpriseWat will thou name itI call it life.A riddle which is difficult to solveBut u can if u chose to resolveMany things different n many things likeWat will thou name itI call it life.A goblet which is filled with wineIts poison or nectar ur deeds determineWhatever it is but necessary to thriveWat will thou name itI call it life.

JUST FRIEND VS BEST FRIEND

Just Friends VS. Best Friends
A Just Friend says..hi,..hello,..bye,...and walks away...A Best friend always stop by your side & asks how r u doing ?? A Just Friend has never seen you cry.A Best friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A Just Friend thinks the friendship is over, when you have an argument.A Best friend knows that it's not a friendship, until after you've had a fight.
A Just Friend hates it when you call, after he has gone to bed. A Best friend asks you.... why you took so long to call.
A Just Friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.A Best friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A Just Friend jealous about your romantic history.A Best friend wonders of your love story..... A Just Friend expects you to be always there for any help.A Best friend is always there, wherever you require any help. A Just Friend doesn't have time in his/her busy schedule,A Best friend always have time for you in his/her busy schedules.... A Just Friend phones you whenever he/she has some work,A Best friend calls you often just to hear your voice..... A Just Friend doesnt have anything to talk to you on phone,A Best friend doesnt know...what all to finish...

LOGIC OF LIFE!!!!

If your father is a poor man,it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man,it's your stupidity........................................................................................ .... I was born intelligent -education ruined me. ....................................................................................... Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect......so why practice?....................................................................................... If it's true that we are here to help others,then what exactly are the others here for? ....................................................................................... Since light travels faster than sound,people appear bright until you hear them speak. ....................................................................................... How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? ....................................................................................... Money is not everything.There's Mastercard & Visa........................................................................................ One should love animals.They are so tasty........................................................................................ Behind every successful man, there is a womanAnd behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ....................................................................................... Every man should marry.After all, happiness is not the only thing in life........................................................................................ The wise never marry.and when they marry they become otherwise. ....................................................................................... Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives........................................................................................ Never put off the work till tomorrowwhat you can put off today........................................................................................ "Your future depends on your dreams"So go to sleep ....................................................................................... There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning....................................................................................... "Hard work never killed anybody"But why take the risk....................................................................................... "Work fascinates me"I can look at it for hours ....................................................................................... God made relatives;Thank God we can choose our friends. ....................................................................................... The more you learn, the more you know,The more you know, the more you forgetThe more you forget, the less you knowSo.. why learn. ...........................................................................................A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

A DOG"S LIFE

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dogcoming inside the shop.He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over tothe dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb,please".The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, loand behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing itin the dog's mouth.The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decidesto shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to alevel crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button.Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus.The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor.The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outsidewaiting for the bus stop to come.As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to informthe conductor.Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of thebus and runs to a house very close to the stop.It opens the big iron gate and rushes inside towards the door. As itapproaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden.It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walksback, jumps off, and waits at the door.The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him.The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy."What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be onTV, for the life of me!The guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this weekthat this stupid dog's forgotten his key."The moral of the story:You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations. It's a dog's life after all!

Why me?

Why me?Its just that i am feeling terribly low.The thing is I am working hard.Doing everything a person needs to do to get back his lost status again.But is it enough?I try not to remember the good old days when i used to do one show for sananda and used to get 8000 bugs.Just for changing fabulous clothes twice and walking down the ramp!! But then something inside says"No Avi you are judging it wrong.This is your struggle period.You will cherish this memory more than the modelling days at one point of time." Well maybe.I just want that people stop judging me.Its true that the deloitte debacle left a hole on my career but i am fighting back and how.In the course of time you find people who support you.There are two friends who i wanted to name here but since they are very private dont feel like divulging that.One of them is always angry on me for some reason.Well this may give a reason for her to be mad at me again.I feel so guilty when I waste an hour.I feel like i have committed a huge crime.But I guess with the passage of time i am learning new things.I want to thank specially the people who judged me after the deloitte(newyork) debacle happened.Because they taught me so many things that i cant hold any grudge against them.Firstly I learnt that there were very few frnds of mine.Secondly I learnt that U need to constantly proe yourself if you want to stay in the race.Thirdly they told me that hey avi in this place called the world everyone is alone.U wont get our soldiers to crib.For a few weeks i was so sorry that I could have literally left everything and would have chosena different profession.But then academics was something I always wanted to pursue so here I am working my ass off in a not very well known B-school just because i love their curriculum and they have a tie-up with companies abroad.I dunno wat the world thinks and i dont even care.But I thank them to teach me so much.Its just a matter of time that i get back whatever I lost but I wont be bitter with anybody because i know how it feels when you by mistake make a wrong decision and the whole world and its aunt start judging you.But I always thank God.He chose me to go through all this and emerge as a winner.He wanted me to face obstacles earlier so that i can chill-maar later.Why me? I know the reason.Do u?

An Extract from Chicken Soup for the Soul

THE RULES FOR BEING HUMAN
1.You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period of this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error. Experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works”.
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better than “here”. When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here”.
7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to Life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.10. You will forget all this.

Reflections

Reflection
Do you sometimes pause and see where life is taking you, holding your index finger in its grip? Do you envisage the days yet to be? Do you see in the reflection, a mirror of your tomorrow while you walk through the haze of this concrete jungle? Maybe we do, maybe we don't.I know I continue to destroy and re-build my haven to survive in. I smile at passers by...just maybe, the person will be a friend tomorrow. What was that they said about being nice to people on our way up because you will run into them on your way down?..and yet, and yet, its not so easy to see through the deceit of so called well-wishers who blatantly stab you in the back; honeyed smiles on their lips, eyes cold as death...and I just know that because I defy my first instincts to stay away from the person, I will have to go through the fall of having given that kind of a relationship a chance. It never works out. I analyse myself over and over again and truth is, I have only myself to blame. A friend tells me that I am grossly misunderstood, that I have this insatiable desire to get the impossible...I suppose its true. I have one life to live, so much to give, so much more to learn...to what end? Its all about an inquisitiveness to live a life more full.So, as I walk on, I sift through the garbage my life has become, pick my treasures, walk along the rugged path, mix and match logic and reason, segregate the unrecognizable lies, live my life the way I wish, close my eyes, wish upon a shooting star some late starry night...I aim perhaps not to win but to be a winner just the same. There is a difference. I am my own competition. I couldn't survive or come so far otherwise. I just have to better myself or worsen. I am my own comparison. I am critical about myself. I circumvent circumstances, clear my way to moments of truth when I think. I have walked on, decades of rising up after falls, beyond the humdrum of insignificant things that others call relevant, beyond things pushed onto me by folks who have not mattered.Its my ego perhaps that speaks thus. I am my own person. I am what I am, I am prone to change and revert at my will because only I know what's in my mind. I hold on to a faith I have found in my Guru, a faith I have in the essence of friendship and those who believe in me...of being a friend and a part of someone's life, no matter where they are...of being as human as a human being can be...

Why am I the Way I am?

Some things are meant to be and some are not...lifes never a destination, just a journey you take...say hello to a Thursday...a large dose of philosophy may not go down well...never mind...we are who we are and there always is more to things than what meets your eye...truth is I'm not even flinging myself against the wall for anyone...I am just made that way...I just so believe that I am meant to be at a certain place at a certain point of time and then move on...a very un-Libran like trait maybe...but perhaps there is a restless Libran once in a while that longs to belong someplace. Let me not muse over this longer than necessary...lets just say I'm a mixed bag...hard to understand but the truth is that my basic fundas actually contradict most. These are not rules I set for myself...this is just me...I am made that way, I find satisfaction in giving even when I have to go without something for a while because of it ..and as far as giving a part of yourself is concerned I dont profess myself to be selfless...I am not really like that...I am mean too...I am a whole lot of things but essentially I am also someone who does not think twice when I have to do something for someone I care about or feel for...why am I talking so much?

DRIVE MUSE AMUSE

Long night...longer day...longing and longing .... today's utterly sinful...a black and a red day...basically the combination is potent...I never woke up in the morning...because I never slept...so I didn't even make it to the mirror to see how I looked...best thing to keep your mind off the tougher choices in life is work...would have gone nuts waiting at home doing nothing...okay, I think its hard to figure out what I'm saying here...friends call me up to book for drops to the airport for the next year...that's how famous I have become for being at the airport so very often...I've lost count of the number of people I have seen off and received at the airport...so much so that if I even get close to thinking about the airport someone pipes up...again????!! Ah well...and I'm off again to the airport...people need pampering, people need to be needed, people need to be desired...not all those I see off and pick from the airport...maybe that should become a serious hobby...whatever...The drive to work was interesting...I sang my way to work partly,...dont ask which songs...be assured they were those tacky numbers , or so I thought,...full blast volume 33 on the radio....at this pace my system might develop a bad throat...or maybe if I didn't play it at that and not to forget a volume 40 it would forget how it sounds...like my Dad says...if you dont drive the car for a day, the car will forget how to move...I truly, truly believe that...I enjoy my drive, I enjoy it completely...the traffic can snarl for all I care...at least im a happy driver (unless I'm really annoyed, rare but stressful occasion for all folks around)... then I get to check out all the cars on the road and all the people in them and sometimes I eye a few a little longer because they look good, which just goes on into a tandem play on the road of catching the other staring at you...and because today is such a glorious day and I have this nice smile on my face (the kinds that get to shine in my eyes) alternated with a grin, it makes it all the more interesting to give nice looking blokes the eye...they think I'm flirting and ah...little do they know...ummm....its fun...I get to be a kid...and getting back to my driving...I catch up on music, conversations, sms (dicey things and kept at a minimum..) Arent we so used to relying on our phone for everything...? I read two beautiful lines yesterday...read a whole lot last night but I picked on these two..."The way to love anything is to realise that it might be lost anyday" I'm going to tell you one thing..its a nice beautiful line..but thats what it is...nothing more..like one of those things that will teach you why love is precious...or why you should cherish it...but it does not tell you that love is sublime and if its true love you dont need to realise anything, it just is...Now...thats something to think about...Getting to the second one (I had not forgotten that) that went like this ..." The best part of loving is not hoping that a person loves you as much as you do but in knowing that you love him far more than you can"...now this is something else...think about this..!

Survival strategies on an entry level salary

Most entry-level jobs do not pay enough to support someone living in a large city. This is a problem for recent grads. They imagine life in a big city as lots of entertainment, crowds of young people for fun, and a great dating scene. But it’s a hard life to fund: The cost of college, healthcare, and housing have gone up, all while real wages have gone down. This generation is facing a gap between wages and the cost of living that their parents never did.
Erica Skov moved to Boston for the opportunities a big city offers, but in the process, she gave up the low cost of living in upstate New York for the steep cost of Boston. Today, she has a job as an analyst, and she has to be careful to stretch her salary to cover both life in Boston and grad school payments.
This typical situation for young people is, on the one hand, full of the promise of an exciting, fulfilling career. But on the other hand there is an absurdly high risk of going deep into debt just to fund oneself in an entry-level job.
Here are some things to consider so that working your first full-time job does not put you further into debt.
1. Go into investment banking.If you are equally passionate about two careers, and one pays really well and one doesn’t, choose the money. The problem is that most people are not wildly drawn to the high-paying careers. After all, if everyone wanted to do the highest paying work then it wouldn’t be so high paying after a while. But remember that you don’t have to get paid to do what you love. You love sex. Do you get paid for it? No. Impractical. So try to be practical and pick something you love that also pays well.
2. Move in with parents. Loving what pays well is easier said than done. Which is why more than half of college grads today move back home with their parents. If you move back with your parents you have the chance not only to save money but also to search for the right career.
You don’t need to be an investment banker if you can afford to intern at an art museum. It might not feel so great when you don’t earn as much as your banking friends. But in the long run, the people who take time to figure out a custom career for themselves are the people who avoid the quarterlife crisis. Finding what you love requires lots of experimenting, and the less money you need, the more freedom you have to figure out your life.
3. Get roommates.In each major city there are areas and/or buildings that function more like a dorm than an apartment building. This is because all the people who live in the building have never lived outside of school before, except in this place. So they recreate school in a big city. It is a cheap, few-frills life, with lots of random hookups. In fact, where you live is not nearly as important as who you are living with. So if you find people you like, it probably doesn’t matter that you are recreating college. It won’t last forever.
4. Skip haircuts and lattes. The most popular finance advisers online today aren’t always talking about 401(k)s. JD Roth, Trent Hamm, Presh Talwalkar - they give practical advice for people who haven’t had the ability to stockpile for decades. They give advice about tracking expenses and cutting small stuff all over the place, like lattes, and haircuts. This sort of advice resonates with Skov, who says, “We have daily conversations in the office about where to get cheap manicures and haircuts.”
Skov is in no position to take financial advice about six-month CD rates. But she only gets a haircut every six months, which may be the Generation Y equivalent of money management. It adds up, and with a frugal lifestyle you can live in the city of your dreams. It’s just you probably won’t have the lifestyle of your dreams.
5. Move to a smaller city. The dorm in a not-dorm life is okay, without haircuts, for a while, but you’ll get tired of it. You’ll see that there is a class of people in large cities that can afford to live alone, in their twenties, and you’ll notice a theme: Consulting or trust funds. This is an exaggeration, yes, but not a huge exaggeration. So what can you do? Move to a smaller city.
Minneapolis is very popular right now, and it has that magical combination of low cost of living, good schools, and varied industries. Other cities to consider: Portland, Ore., Austin, Texas, Chapel Hill, N.C., Columbus, Ohio, and Madison, Wis.
6. Work while you’re in school.Skov is studying communication management at Emerson College, and working full time. It’s not a bad idea. In fact, there are many circumstances when grad school is not worth going into debt for. A degree in creative writing, for example. You probably won’t support yourself with that degree, so start finding a career while you’re in school, and do your writing at night, after work.
Or, according to recruiting firm Challenger Gray & Christmas Inc., if you are not at a top 10 business school, your increased earning power is so little that it is not cost-effective for you to stop working to go to school. Besides, the best way to keep your options open after graduate school is to have as little debt as possible that you have to pay back.
7. Accept that it’s normal. It’s OK if you can’t support yourself after college. Most people can’t. Not today. The people who can do it are often high and mighty, but ignore them. Because there is no evidence that supporting yourself right after college leads to a happier, productive life. And there is good evidence that people who experiment with a lot of career choices in their twenties are more likely to find something that suits them very well.
And for those who are dealing with debt and looking around, Skov has the type of outlook that lays the groundwork for success: “I’m a well-rounded person and I could do a lot of things. You have to look at what’s out there. It’s not so much what exactly you’re doing but who you’re doing it with.”

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CALL CENTRE CONVERSATIONS!!

I have worked in a call centre for 4 months..These are some of the interesting anecdotes and overheard conversation from other cubicles!!


Actual call centre conversations !!!!!Customer: "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours". -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".----------------------------------------------------------------------RAC Motoring ServicesCaller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?" Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ): "If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"----------------------------------------------------------------------Directory EnquiriesCaller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please". Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?" Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off". ----------------------------------------------------------------------Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland". ----------------------------------------------------------------------On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on". ----------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".Customer: "OK".Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".Customer: "No".Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No".Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?". Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".----------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"----------------------------------------------------------------------Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator: "What sort of trouble??" Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator: "Went away?" Caller: "They disappeared."Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?" Caller: "Nothing." Operator: "Nothing??" Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" Caller: "How do I tell?" Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??" Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller: "What's a monitor?" Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" Caller: "I don't know." Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is."Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"Caller: "No."Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller: "Okay, here it is."Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."Caller: "I can't reach."Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"Caller: "No."Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."Operator: "Dark??"Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."Caller: "I can't."Operator: "No? Why not??"Caller: "Because there's a power failure."Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??" Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

After 3 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,

He told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying; My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?

Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?

Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?

Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral: NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

3 things...

3 Things
Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
Time
Words
Opportunity
Three things in life that may never be lost -
Peace
Hope
Honesty
Three things in life that are most valuable -
Love
Self-confidence
Friends
Three things in life that are never certain -
Dreams
Success
Fortune
Three things that make a man/woman -
Hard work
Sincerity
Commitment
Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman -
Alcohol
Pride
Anger
Three things in life that, once lost, hard to build-up -
Respect
Trust
Friendship
Three things in life that never fail -

True Love
Determination
Belief

DONT STOP MAKING PANCAKES!!!

Hi my Iland Friends,
I received this nice story from one of my friend. You may have read it somewhere....but worth reading again. Hope you all will like it as much as I!!! I wud never stop making Pancakes, do u??
Spread the happiness,
with smile :-)
Avinash
Making Pancakes
Six -year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor.
He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.
Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very bad.
He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove and he didn't know how the stove worked!. Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.
And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big tears welled up in Brandon's eyes. All he'd wanted to do was something good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But his father just watched him.
Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process!
That's how God deals with us.. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour..
Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him.
But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to "make pancakes" for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried...
I was thinking. . and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be said, sometimes, "I love you" can heal & bless! Remind every one of your friends that you love them. Even if you think they don't love back, you would be amazed at what those three little words, a smile, and a reminder like this can do.
Just in case I haven't told you lately... I LOVE YA!!!
Please pass some of this love on to others....suppose one morning you were called to God; do all your friends know you love them?
I wish that U too would like to share this with everyone you love, .. And never stop "making pancakes."